It appears that our birthmother has changed her mind. We don't know all the details, other than she stopped communicating with our agency about three weeks ago. Her due date has come and gone and we suspect it will be a long time before we hear from her again. Our hearts are broken, for so many reasons, but we also know that God will work it all out for the good. We have been through this before, but this time is a bit harder since we already have a relationship established with her. We hurt for her, and we are in constant prayer for her - that she would know the height and depth and width of God's love for her, and that she would know we love her no matter what.
We have been slowly processing all of this and what it means for our family. We've spent the last several months preparing our hearts and home, sharing with people, fundraising, planning with our kids; it's easy to ask why we've been led here. But, it's not an easy question to answer.
We trust so completely that God is the designer of our family. That no mistakes have been made in the timing of each of the little gifts in our lives. We trust that if more children are in our future, they will come at the perfect time and in the perfect way. So right now, as we process and grieve, we still rejoice in His goodness. We are praying for discernment as we move forward. Another adoption wasn't in our plans, and yet here we are. We are asking for wisdom as we decide what comes next - pursuing another placement, supporting other families as they move forward in adoption, whatever He may have us do, whatever is right.
Please know that we are humbly grateful for all who have walked alongside us in prayer, encouragement, and financial support. We will keep everyone updated as we move forward, in whatever capacity. Sometimes we feel an urgency to decide what is ahead, a responsibility to answer "so, now what?" to all those who have followed our story. But right now, we feel like the right thing to do is take time together, to pray, and to wait. Thank you so much to all of you, for being a part of our story and for caring for our family.
We know that God is always good. We know that every story can be a redemption story. It doesn't take away the sting of pain that comes with loss, but it sustains us with hope, buoys us up in His peace, and draws us ever nearer to Him.