10 June 2014
the year of 36
I woke up on Saturday morning, my birthday, stretched out and soaked in the morning light coming through the window by our bed. My gracious husband let me sleep in until 9:30 and it was glorious. In kind of a groggy haze, I thought over what I wanted 36 to be. Life seems to be happening so quickly lately, as the cliche goes - every year gets faster. The more kids you have, it's even faster still. So our lives seem to be going at warp speed these days.
35 was kind of a blur. Pregnancy and a new baby (or two), school schedules and new business ventures, and all the other day to day. In all our transitions and changes, my attitude got the better of me more often than I would've liked. So often I was grumpy and short, or harried, or tired. I felt the weight of my to do lists, which I mostly stared blankly at, not sure where to begin, and then suddenly someone would need something and I'd forget all about it.
I've said before "this is the year I'll be more organized!" or whatever sort of accomplishment I felt was most pressing. To be tidier, to spend less, to read more, to eat healthier, to watch less tv, to write more, to go running more frequently.
This year feels different. What do I want 36 to look like? I want to be kinder. Softer. Gentler. I want to look my kids in the eyes when they ask me questions and really think about my answers. I want to laugh with them more, and worry less about what tasks we should be accomplishing. I want to eat in the backyard and go for walks with no destination, to watch them ride their bikes in circles and kick the soccer ball around in the afternoons. I want to blow more bubbles and read more books on their floor in their room at night. I want to snuggle with my husband and watch more baseball and play more scrabble and hold hands in the car. I want to say yes more than I say no. To being silly and eating treats and going to the park. I want to really listen and tune in and soak in as much as I can of these people. My people.
I want 36 to be less about doing and more about being.
So, here we go.