15 January 2014

a lump in my throat


I'm all sorts of emotional.
To say that the past week has been exhausting, overwhelming, and chaotic is an understatement. The first week back to school and our family got hit by some kinda bug and everyone fell like flies one by one. Me being the last, of course, so that's convenient. Nick came home from work the other night, took one look at my pitiful face, and said, "There is a light at the end of the tunnel."
"Where's that?" was all I could muster. I was spent. Tired, weak, over it. I wasn't a picture of gratitude or grace, I was feeling sorry for myself and wishing I had a nanny or a housekeeper or both. 

Then last night I took George out for frozen yogurt. He'd gotten his four year shots that morning, and we're trying to do at least one one-on-one per week with the boys, so a date was in order. We sat there chatting over watermelon sorbet covered in maraschino cherries (his choice), when I noticed a father and his tween daughters at a table nearby. It was glimpse into our lives ten years from now and I nearly spilled all the tears right there at the fro yo shop.
The days are long but the years are short.
Enjoy every minute.
It all flies by.
You're really going to miss this.
These sentiments usually irk me a little, as I live life in the throes of chaos and messes and bickering and legos. Lately I am less than the best version of myself. Way lessBut that dad and his girls? That reeled me in. It made me want to scoop up every minute and cherish it, capture it in my mind and heart and not let go.
Then today Ivah's hair started falling out, which is apparently a common milestone for a four month old. Why this sent me into a tailspin, I'm not completely sure, but I've been walking around with a lump in my throat all afternoon. It's like the universe is throwing all this baby-growing-up business right in my face all of a sudden. And I can. not. deal. 
So while my kids are still fighting over a spot on the couch and which show to watch and who had that one particular red lego out of the thousands that we own and why they don't want to go to bed, my heart aches that someday this will actually end. And I pray for the will to be kind and loving and selfless along the way.  And the wisdom to remember to stop, step back, and drink it all in.

Because time flies and it'll all be over before I know it.


5 comments:

  1. those eyes!!!!!!! :)

    and you are so right. time does fly. such a good reminder to savor every single day we have...even the hard ones. thanks for sharing your heart, friend.

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  2. My husband reminded me of this last night when I had totally had it. He said, "in not very long you are going to want this back". It's so hard to keep that in mind!

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  3. wahhhhh :( so true! 'the days are long but the years are short'... i'll need to tuck that one into my heart.

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  4. OMG I could have written this! My son is going to be 6 in a week and a half and my baby girl is already 5months old! It feels like just yesterday I was still pregnant with her and my boy had just only turned 5 and was still in preschool... Not to mention I will be 30 this year. It's like lately I have been extra emotional about family happenings and little milestones and thinking the same thing... 'that someday this will actually end' and I keep reeling over that thought yet at the same time trying to tell myself to just STOP. Take a deep breath and enjoy it, every moment, every little happening... just all of it because if I/we constantly think about it all ending, we won't see what's happening right in front of us each day.

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