And then He does it again, still subtle, and you're like "oh yeah, that. totally doing it."
And then one more time, still gentle, but definitely more obvious.
"dang. I was so going to start that, wasn't I?"
So that's how my week went last week. I've had a trying time with my boy, Eddie.
He is the tenderest of the four kids, in that he needs a good solid snuggle about 14 times a day (and three times a night). But he also has the hardest time listening, cannot focus on any task you ask him to do (though any task of his choice commands his attention completely) and will repeat the same exasperating action 972 times despite every form of discipline. I think the PC term is spirited. I call it making your mother crazy.
So last Monday I was in the midst of some tearing-hair-from-my-head moment when I felt God calling me to pray for Eddie. I really do pray for my kids every day, but more often than not, it's a general sweeping prayer to cover all my bases. That day I knew I was supposed to pray very specifically for my heart and his, for wisdom in parenting, for all of the intricacies that are Eddie, bringing all my cares and concerns to the Father who cares the most.
The next day I saw an instagram post from Hannah about how she'd been praying for her son in specific ways and God was answering. It was in that moment that I felt a little confirmation in my heart about the nudge I'd gotten the day before and a push to keep on going. But as happens a hundred times a day, distractions pulled me here and there and I forgot all about it.
There are little ways that all throughout my week reminded me of my call. Not just to pray, but an assurance that God wanted to be with me in every detail, every moment. That He would carry the burden of feeling like I don't know what I'm doing, the worries about what may come down the pike, the joys of small sweet moments, all of it. He's in it. Well, He's in it if I let Him in. He wants to be in it, to walk with me, to draw me closer. And maybe that's what all of this is about - me and Him, walking together intimately, knowing that apart from Him I can do no good thing.
And I'm thankful for that. Thankful that God has called me to Himself, and that I can have confidence that He will be with me in every detail of my day if I give it over to Him.
I love what Leslie had to say this week about prayer and our need for it - that that's where real change begins.