27 November 2012
I saw this last week on Pinterest and it has been on my mind every day since then.
It was a call on my heart to take a step back and evaluate the things I am doing and the ways I am spending my time.
Because I am so the girl that tries to do it all.
My husband is pretty good at reminding me where my priorities are - always in love, and maybe even without meaning to.
Last night I was feeling stretched - it had been a long run of days all strung together with my boys - filled with early mornings and late nights and too much on my plate.
My patience as a parent was more than paper thin at that point, and I was in much need of a break (and a big, fat glass of wine).
As Nick was getting ready to go to bed, and I was going to attempt to finish up a few more projects, he asked me to pray with him for a few minutes. Without realizing where my head was, he prayed for me and the boys, for perseverance through the exhaustion and for the boys to sense their place in my life and in my heart.
(It's been a rough week of rebellion, lemme tell you.)
But those words shot right through my gut.
What is their place in my life and in my heart right now?
Truth be told, lately parenting seems like a chore. I have things to do, don't they realize that? Can't they see the house is messy, I have errands to run, and we are dangerously close to being out of toilet paper? Why can't they understand that I am busy with my own stuff?
Well, because they're kids. Little boys who just want mama to sit on the floor and throw a balloon back and forth for 20 minutes. Or race matchbox cars under the dining room table. Or watch them send their Little People speeding down a steep ramp. Or cut out shapes and stick them on paper and cover them in glitter glue and hang them proudly on the fridge.
They want me. And not just my physical presence in the room, distracted by tasks and emails and projects.
They want my attention, my heart.
They deserve that. That is what I want - with all my soul - to give them.
Because they aren't going to be jumping on my couch or building lego robots on my living room floor forever. They aren't going to need me to snuggle them to sleep or wipe their noses for very much longer. When I really sit and think about that, it makes me a little teary and makes that to do list seems a lot less important.
I want to stop trying to do it all, and remember that the most important thing is that I give my all to the three little gifts that have been put in my care. They do have my heart - and I want to live in such a way that they know that beyond a shadow of a doubt.
So, here goes. Trying to find a balance, and remembering that my children and my marriage are the most fulfilling projects I'll ever take on.
I'm feeling like this isn't going to be easy, but it'll be so worth it.