Since the adoption fell through last month, we've been processing,
talking a bit with our agency, and updating our homestudy.
As of the end of August, all of our background checks expired and we had to meet with our
social worker to get everything updated.
When things didn't work out, our caseworker told us that we would be moved to a priority spot,
which means that our profile would be one of the first shown to potential birthmothers.
And then this week we received an email that said there are no birthmothers. None.
My heart fell a little at that point.
After grieving the loss of the last baby, I had started to feel hopeful again as we moved forward.
And then that email.
That dang email.
I started to question everything, to wonder if we were in the right place, going with the right agency,
if we should be pursuing other options, considering international, yada yada.
Truth: in my heart I still felt peace that things were as they should be.
But my mind still raced, wondering if God was asking us to do more.
I called other agencies, just to be discouraged.
I considered going back to the agency we were thinking of switching to in California, despite my lack of peace.
Last night, as we were laying in bed, before drifting into sleep, I told Nick everything I was thinking.
All the calls I'd made, texts I'd sent, questions that were racing around in my mind.
And then he reminded me Who is in control.
He reminded me that we love our agency, and love the people who work there.
People who have assured us again and again that they are on their knees for us and for the babies who need a loving home.
He reminded me that there is no rush. That we have a full house and plenty to occupy us,
that there are so many things ahead to enjoy.
He reminded me that God can do anything, anytime and we need to walk in trust.
It was everything I wanted him to say without realizing it's exactly what had been in my heart.
So, that's where we're at.
There are no babies on the horizon, but we've got our ducks in a row.
We're praying for our agency and for women who are considering life for their babies.
We're trusting. And we're living our lives.
Day to day, drinking in our boys, working on our endless projects, planning weekends away, and trying to let go and give it to Him.
I am continuing to create and sell necklaces and such to raise the money we need
so that when that day comes, we're prepared.
I really believe that our family has been designed by God Himself
and that as we let Him, He will continue to create it to be just as it should be,
in just the right time.
My heart is full of thanks for all of you who have been such a support to us -
who have rejoiced with us, grieved with us,
walked in this with us.
We hope you'll stick with us as we journey into the unknown!