it's been three years since
that cross country flight
the eager anticipation of sitting in a hospital waiting room
first holding his warm, sleepy body cradled in my arms
lowering him down for the first kiss from his big brother
breathing in his baby scent
being awed at this amazing gift
being humbled by the selfless love of his birthmother
watching him sleep snuggled up in a hotel bed at my side
soaking in the quiet weight of a sleeping baby on my chest.
it's been three years.
three years of joy and love and laughter and utter delight in my boy.
there have been hard moments, humbling moments,
moments where i am totally convinced i have no idea what i am doing.
but mostly, there is an overwhelming lump in my chest at the undeserved gift of this child.
as i reflected over the last three years of being eddie's mama,
i was brought to tears. of course, because motherhood has made me a weepy mess.
i am taken aback at the preciousness of him in our lives.
having had the privilege of mothering biological and adopted children,
i can say with my whole heart - my whole being - that my love for him
is just as deep and wide and vast as for the others.
let's be honest, sometimes people wonder if it will be the same.
as a mother of three, i will tell you that my love for each of them is so different.
not because of dna, but because they are each unique.
my love for eddie is different than my love for george, and my love for george is different than my love for lute.
but oh my love for eddie.
my heart is so completely entwined with his that i can't imagine for one single moment
not having him in my heart, in my arms, in my every day.
my sweet, wild, fearless, affectionate, tender eddie.
you have my heart so totally and completely,
my only fear is that you will never be able to fully grasp how gripped i am by my love for you.
God changed us forever when He put you in our lives.
He made it better.
happy birthday, sweet boy.