10 April 2012

dear eddie

oh my darlin',

you seriously put me through the ringer today.
you made me question everything i thought i knew about parenting.
you are one determined boy, and i know that will serve you well later in life,
that you will accomplish great things because you do not give up.
like with the easter candy, for example.
by golly, you wanted that chocolate bunny, and that chocolate bunny you were gonna get.
you have this uncanny sense of hearing... you announce every passing motorcycle,
the arrival of every garbage and delivery truck, an airplane flying overhead. 
none of it is by sight, all by sound.
and yet. i can tell you 412 times to come to me, to stop climbing or jumping or running
and it is as though i haven't uttered a single syllable.

but in spite of all of your crazy antics,
you have an unfathomable capacity to love.
you want to snuggle every night before bed, and first thing every morning.
you nestle into "mama's bed" (it's daddy's, too, just so you know), rest your head right next to mine and are quiet and still and content.
i look at you in wonder, my heart full and achy,
and very aware of this precious time.
i'm not ignorant to the fact that someday... maybe soon... you will understand you're adopted.
there may be a day when you question if we're as close as we'd be if i'd had you myself.
if i could, i would take all those questions away in a heartbeat.
i'd tell you that i can't imagine loving anyone more than i love you,
that our lives would have a gaping hole without you in it,
that tears well and overflow at the thought of you ever experiencing any heartache
from the undeserved gift we've been given of calling you ours.
i look at you in those quiet moments and i drink it in.
your tender heart and your boundless love.
i pray almost every day that you will know in the depth of your being that you are more than we could've ever hoped for,
that you will be confident in our love for you, and even more,
in God's love for you.
you are a most precious gift, my sweet, wild Eddie.

i hope you will know that in your heart every day, forever.
yours always,
mama


linking up with Sarah today!
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15 comments:

  1. Omgoodness honey... Omgoodness...

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  2. oh my....I am crying. for LOTS of reasons. This was so precious Carina. I just believe and trust that sweet Eddie will KNOW beyond a shadow of a doubt that he IS YOURS. Being adopted myself, I can imagine those thoughts that you might have...but I want to tell you that with amazing parents like yall, he WILL understand how much you guys love him and cherish him and that is IS your own. oh girl...Im emailing you right now, too much to say here in the comments. love you (and thanks for linking up, but thank you more for sharing your heart for your sweet boy!) love ya...

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  3. Oh honey, he will know, trust me, he will! His sense of hearing amazes me too :-) but yesterday when he wanted to snuggle with me, it was so, so special. Can't imagine loving anyone more!

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  4. this is an amazing letter. I too…have a "feisty" son. They are draining…but it's those cuddles that do me in! Thanks for sharing. Love the blog…I'm your newest follower!

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  5. carina, this is sweet and heartbreaking. i'm speechless because i have a dim understanding of what you must feel when you think of the questions he'll ask. the doubts he'll have. and yet even with my minuscule idea of how you might feel, my heart aches too. yours must be magnified x a million.

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  6. I laughed so hard at how they ONLY hear what they want to hear. It's like we talk so much that they can just tune out our voice completely!

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  7. Mmmm such a good letter, written from the heart. Boys are hard, aren't they? My little one is so persistent as well. Definitely wants to get his way all the time! Drives me a little crazy sometimes, but still love him so much! I've know a few people who've been adopted and its hard, but he will know that you love him more than anyone because you CHOSE him. =)

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  8. sooo beautiful carina. and i love that photo of him all painted. he is so adorable.

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  9. love. press on, mama! perfect letter...so inspired by you!

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  10. Beautiful letter. He is so precious :)

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  11. This was a beautiful letter. I know that your sweet Eddie will treasure this one day.

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  12. beautiful!!!!!!!!!! you are amazing. love. <3

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  13. you made me weepy. he's going to know.
    i really love this!

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