You know when someone suggests something and you're like, "Nah." and then you realize they were right after all?
That's kind of how it's been for the past six months between Nick and me.
Since we started this whole adoption process for kid number four, Nick has said that we shouldn't specify a gender. And I was like, "dude, I have three boys, let's mix it up a little."
But in my heart there was always that little voice telling me he was right.
And I ignored it. And Nick, being gracious and caring and cool, let me ignore it.
Once a month or so, he'd gently suggest we call the agency and tell them we would take a boy.
And I'd put him off a bit and say we'd do it at some point... maybe.
Well, that voice got louder and louder and then it just straight up changed my heart.
The thing is, I know God is good. I know He loves me.
I know He has designed this family the way it is and I wouldn't change a thing about it.
So, don't I think He's gonna keep on doing the best thing for us?
I do. I believe that.
And just to seal the deal, my bible study was about having faith and trusting in God this week. I hear ya, Man, I hear ya.
So, with joy, I wrote to our caseworker. She told me that there are actually several families asking for girls, so that makes the wait a bit longer. (Just in case that Voice didn't get through the first seven times, He wanted to make it loud and clear.)
In the bigger picture, it's not just about this baby.
It's about my whole life. It's about unclenching my fists that are holding on so tightly to all of the little things that I want control of. It's about having open hands and saying, It's Yours, it's all Yours, I trust You.
And I do. Things are much better in His hands than in mine.
And truth be told, I love my boys beyond description and I wouldn't trade them for anything.
So, if there is another little man in my future, I'd be one happy lady.
I might need a lot of Febreeze down the road, but I'd still love 'em in all their inevitable stinkiness.
I guess the next question is:
We'll be pretty dang excited either way!
And if you want to pray for us, for the baby to come, and for the birthmother, we'd be very grateful.
We are asking God that, if it's in His will, we'd really like to bring that baby home before Lute starts school in the fall. I so want us to be able to go get the baby as a family, and that means staying up to two weeks in the state where he or she will be born, and we really don't want to pull Lute out of school for that long when he is first starting. Just a little detail, but I think it's worth asking :)
Thanks for going on this journey with us! Knowing people are walking with us in this brings more encouragement than you could ever know.