25 January 2012

love ain't easy... and a challenge


Things have not exactly been easy lately.
Nothing in particular has happened... it's more like what hasn't happened.
"The days are long, but the years are short," has never been
truer than in the last few weeks.
I find myself short on patience, I don't hear kindness in my voice.
I am not doing things in love.
It's easy to brush it off and say that I can't expect myself to be
"on" all the time. That being a mother is hard work,
and don't I deserve to just feel the way I feel?
But then I think...
what am I teaching my children with my life?
I spend all the day long telling them the difference between right and wrong,
but what are they learning by what they see?
Lately, I can for sure tell you they are not learning patience.
Or kindness. Or gentleness.
I have been a burnt out, tired out, ready for a drink break mama.
Sometimes I catch myself resenting my kids for needing me.
Like they chose to be my kids or something.
And when I catch myself I feel a pang of guilt.
I remember that they are my beloveds,
that they need me not only to make their sandwiches
and tie their shoes
and wipe their noses,
but they need me to
watch them ride their bikes just to praise them for their speed,
to rub their backs before they go to sleep,
to laugh at their silliness,
to dance with them,
to make funny faces...
to engage.
To love.
A week or so ago I was catching up on a blog or two, when I happened upon 
These ladies are challenging us to approach our children
with a spirit of gentleness,
and to eliminate the harsh.
It was timely. My heart was convicted, and I have thought about it
every single day since.
If I am in step with the Spirit, He will provide the love,
joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
faithfulness, gentleness and self-control
that I need to function on a daily basis.
That I need to nurture and grow my amazing,
loving, sweet, tender boys.
Will it be easy?
Heck, no.
But it's possible. It's possible to give it over, to sacrifice,
to be different, to worship God and love my children
with my words and actions.
I am definitely going to need His help to do it, 
but I can't think of anything better.

12 comments:

  1. no truer words have been spoken! I feel all too similar, the same feelings...and some days it just breaks my heart. Thank you for this post! It was a big momma check-up for me!

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  2. no truer words have been spoken! I feel all too similar, the same feelings...and some days it just breaks my heart. Thank you for this post! It was a big momma check-up for me!

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  3. This is always on my heart. I am constantly praying for greater patience and grace to give my 3 guys. Thanks for sharing. I am sure so many of us can relate.

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  4. Girl. I could have written this. I am so short with my babies lately. Thankyou for this.

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  5. Great words Carina! I'm in, let's do this.

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  6. Just had to come back and say I already blew it... bad... But I'm gonna keep trying!!

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  7. Patience and self control are definitely worth striving for, although I feel I rarely achieve them!

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  8. Loved this. I find myself burned out at times as well, and very short of patience. I don't want my child to grow up with any bad memories of me, so I've got to do better. This was nice to read!

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  9. haley, i have failed about 20 times so far, so we'll keep each other company in that :)

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  10. thank you for sharing this. for being transparent.
    and thanks for mentioning the gentleness challenge. i jumped over and read through some of it. though the month is over, i'm applying it now.

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