denying myself is hard

This last weekend we went to a little church by the sea with my in laws.

I have to be honest, I dread church every single week. I dread it because Eddie and George have yet to grasp the concept of quiet and our church doesn't have a cry room or a nursery. So we spend every service trying to distract them, quiet them, walk with them, and usually end up embarrassed and exhausted by the end of mass. 

But my in laws' church has a cry room, in addition to other nooks and crannies we can escape to when the boys get a little boisterous. 

But this week a crazy thing happened:

the little ones were actually manageable. 

I'm not saying there weren't cringe worthy moments when they could be heard throughout the sanctuary, 

but I actually heard the pastor teach.

And that is a miracle. And the message was timely. 

Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself,

take up his cross, and follow me.

For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it,

but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it.

Matthew 16:25

I urge you, brothers and sisters, 

by the mercies of God,

to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice,

holy and pleasing to God, 

your spiritual worship.

Romans 12:1

I had never experienced the true meaning of these verses until I became a mother.

Being a parent is a constant laying down of self. And not just laying down,

but denying.

When I don't want to get up at 5:15.

or wipe up the food that's fallen to the floor at every. single. meal.

or do another load of laundry.

or change another bed.

or listen to another complaint, whining session, or the injustice of who gets which toy.

or whatever.

What does it matter if I can do it when it's easy? It's worship when it's hard. 

When it's a sacrifice.

I find who I am meant to be when I deny myself. 

And that is so so true. 

Because on the hardest, most exasperating of days,

I am blessed. 

There is always more good than bad. There is always so much abundance to be thankful for.

God is so good, so faithful, so gracious with us.

The message was so timely because I really needed to hear it. 

Most days have been exasperating and exhausting, but how encouraging to hear that there is so much purpose in it all!

I had no idea what God was gonna do when He put these little guys in my life,

but it teaches me something every single day.

And I am grateful for it.

a delightful little giveaway and a preview

I have been working on some fun new things for my Etsy shop and wanted to give you all a little preview. I opened Lovely Little Whimsy as a way to bring in a little extra cash for the adoption (and to use up the abundance of fabric I have purchased. And then I bought more - whoopsie!) 

If you were wondering whether or not we'd be requesting a girl, I think the things I am making these days might nudge you toward the right answer. 

And guess what? Today you could win on of my favorite clutches, in addition to some other really amazing handmade pieces over on one of my favorite blogs! 

So get on over to Take Heart and give it a go!

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little lovelies.

My brain has been on overload lately. With the adoption and endless projects around the house and laundry and children and traveling and dirty kitchen floors and laundry and photo books to make.... Ack. 

To do lists are my new favorite.

The truth is, all of the above just means I am super blessed with some awesome little companions, and another to come along soon, but a girl can get overwhelmed.

So what do I do when my list is fourteen miles long?

What every sane person does: procrastinate!

I like to distract myself with pretty things that will inevitably lead to more projects and a longer list. But, these things are lovely! And enticing! Take a look-see with me.

Source: modcloth.com via Carina on Pinterest

I keep looking at this dress. 

And hemming and hawing about whether or not to get it.

I love it. And wouldn't it look amazing with these?

Source: thebottomoftheironingbasket.blogspot.com via Carina on Pinterest

I love everything about this:

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Source: taza-and-husband.blogspot.com via Carina on Pinterest

There are days when I am so drained that I just want to pop the kids right into bed,

but this is a great reminder how important those few, quiet, snuggly moments are every day.

Which actually leads me to totally drool over this situation:

Source: houseofturquoise.com via Carina on Pinterest

And in addition to all the things to do, there are about one million recipes on the agenda:

Source: cookiesandcups.blogspot.com via Carina on Pinterest

Source: honeyandjam.com via Carina on Pinterest

Source: thepioneerwoman.com via Carina on Pinterest

And things to make:

Source: de.dawanda.com via Carina on Pinterest

But most of all, there is this to remember:

Source: homegrownhospitality.typepad.com via Carina on Pinterest

I'll get to my list eventually. But for tonight, it's me and my family, and being thankful for everything we've got. Because even when it doesn't seem like it, there is so much to be grateful for.

instafriday

I decided to link up at Life Rearranged again this week. 

My week in cell phone photos. 

It isn't even ALL kids, and that's saying something.

I mean, it's pretty much all kids, but still.

on the last day of our little getaway last week, we went to the amusement park. 

this is worth a photo because they are practically sitting on top of each other and actually loving it, rather than pushing, biting or screeching at one another.

ah, brotherly love.

{my poor george sat forlornly on the sidelines, too little for anything but the carousel.}

my driver. we spent a lot of hours in the car and he was amazingly patient with the three rabble rousers in the back. and i think he told 319 stories to keep them entertained.

back home we went to a cousin's birthday party and they boys looooved the sprinklers.
lute especially loved picking it up and aiming it at the adults. not cool, man.

this is my favorite. ever.
daytime. pajama pants. monkey backpack. pacifier. and he doesn't even use a pacifier.
and he was walking around with my keys, attempting to unlock every doorknob in the house.
i really can't get enough of this boy.

a much needed girls night out. martinis and a lot of good conversation. 
and we all have our cell phones out, because who brings a camera anymore?

all he needs is a bowl of chips and a beer and we have a 42 year old version of my baby. 

who teaches them to sit like this?

It was a good week.
Wait, hold up. It was a GREAT week.


We got our background check back -
homestudy: done!

mother teresa, bad food and no baking

Oh, Bakin' it to the Streets, how you sneak up on me. I actually have a mental list of all these things I want to make in the next couple of weeks, and I even have the ingredients. But because of time management issues (again) and three little monkeys, I didn't get around to any of it this morning. 

Sooooo, we went to a drive thru. At least the food was hot and filling? I don't know. But I did throw in a banana, just for some balance.

I was so encouraged when I saw this quote a couple of weeks ago, since it basically sums up our little mission in one sentence.

Source: liferearranged.com via Carina on Pinterest

If you have a story you want to share about encouraging someone in need, whether with food or an act of service, please link up here. Your stories encourage me, and others who have the privilege of reading them! I've had some great comments on facebook from friends and family who have been Bakin' it to the Streets - and I love every one of you for it!

a little adoption update.

There isn't much to report, but folks have been asking, so here is where we are:


waiting. 


So far, we have:
had three 2 hour home study sessions
gotten physicals and approved by our doc to bring home a baby
gotten physicals for each of our boys to state they are in good health
went downtown to get our fingerprints done at the sheriff's office
mailed fingerprints to FBI for background check
made copies of birth certificates, marriage certificate, and financial statements
had everything notarized
filled out two applications for adoption
written autobiographies and family histories
prayed and prayed and prayed
maybe bought a couple of really, really cute baby girl outfits (I have self control issues)


Now we are waiting semi-patiently for our background check to come back from the FBI. On average, they take two months, and it's been six weeks. I eagerly check the mail every day and am always a little disappointed when it isn't there. That is the final piece our social worker needs to send our home study to the agency.


BUT, I also need to make our photo books and write our letter to the birthmother. With that and the home study, the agency can start showing our profiles to potential birthmothers. My goal is to be totally done by September 1. (Holy MOLES that is in 9 days.)


We would love and so appreciate any prayers you want to offer up for our baby, our family, timing and finances. We are trusting in God to bring this little lady home to us at just the right time and to provide the means to get her here!


In the meantime, let me leave you with this:

Can't wait to see what my Target trips are gonna look like once she's here!

my first instafriday

Well, look at me - I am such a joiner this week! First with What I Wore, and now InstaFriday. I just discovered this awesome lady's blog this week and I love it. Her family has an amazing story. Totally worth checking out, folks.

Every Friday she hosts a link up for your week in phone photos. Sounds right up my alley!


We're on "vacation" this week - we took a road trip for my husband's job and are staying in a little condo four hours from where we live. Only four hours with our kids turned into seven. And boy, were they lively! Didn't catch any photos of that action. Lucky you.

breakfast at a really cute local bakery that serves my favorite coffee.

muffins, bagels and cinnamon rolls. 

vacations are a time for carb overload, amiright?

since our day started at 5:45am, i was super duper uper excited for nap time.

so much so, i documented it.

aren't they cute when they sleep?

a little post nap goldish-curious george-brother snuggle session.

we thought a little train ride around the park would be just the thing for some afternoon amusement. see that blurry boy there? he was not keen on sitting even remotely still. 

turns out trains are cooler to look at than to sit on. at least for eddie.

and the world's largest wagon! which is also a slide! 

which almost gave me a heart attack as george nearly catapulted himself from the top!

but he was fine, of course. he is my toughest little dude. 

don't tell his brothers.

And there is more fun to come tomorrow. Lute already has plans for shaved ice, ferris wheels and a carousel ride. 

And definitely, definitely more carbs. 

my very first "what i wore wednesday"

I started reading a blog awhile back called The Pleated Poppy. As a homeschooling mom of three, Lindsey wanted to have the motivation to get out of what my friend Patty calls "the mom uniform". So every Wednesday she posts what she wore to keep herself accountable and asks others to jump on board with her. I have worked up the nerve for about a month to even take my photo, because I kind of feel like a doofus posing for the camera. 

(Even though I love looking at other people's posts as inspiration!)

Then last week she changed the challenge to not only get dressed like you're actually leaving the house, but to take it a step further and mix up prints for something new.

Since everything I own is gray, black, green or gray, this was a challenge.

So here it is, folks. I am finally joining the party!

cardigan: old navy

flower pin: lovely little whimsy (hint, hint)

dress: target (75% off rack, thankyaverymuch)

And puhlease, notice that carpet on my stairs. Inspired by another blog I found this week that I can't stop looking at, I am ripping that business up as soon as possible.

Happy Wednesday!

our adoption story: hurt and healing and God's goodness

I've said before that we always knew we'd adopt if God was willing. We didn't know when or how or where from, but it was in both of our hearts and we really hoped it'd become a reality. 

We'd always wanted a big family. We were so excited with the birth of our firstborn, there was no question about going for number two. My pregnancy was easy, his birth was quick, and taking care of him was honestly delightful. We'd hoped for our kids to be two years apart, and that was the plan. Our plan. God's was different. (That's usually the way it goes, I am starting to learn.)

Baby number two didn't come so easily. I worried, I talked to my doctor (more than once), I fretted and fussed and was disappointed a lot. When people asked when we wanted to have another, I silently felt heartbroken, wondering if it would ever happen.

After a lot of prayer and endless conversations, we thought maybe this was God nudging us to start the adoption process. It had always been on our hearts, after all. But was it the right time?

One night I was listening to my iPod, feeling particularly sorry for myself when The Valley Song by Jars of Clay started playing. 

You have led me to the sadness
I have carried this pain
On a back bruised, nearly broken
I'm crying out to you

I will sing of Your mercy
That leads me through valleys of sorrow
To rivers of joy

When death like a Gypsy
Comes to steal what I love
I will still look to the heavens
I will still seek your face

But I fear you aren't listening
Because there are no words
Just the stillness and the hunger
For a faith that assures

And though the pain is an ocean
Tossing us around, around, around
You have calmed greater waters
Higher mountains have come down

Every word resounded in my soul. I was in sorrow, and while I knew God was there, I wasn't sure He was listening. But I knew I needed to wait on Him, on His plan. Then the next song started playing. Give Me Your Eyes by Brandon Heath. I knew it wasn't coincidence.

Give me Your eyes for just one second
Give me Your eyes so I can see
Everything that I keep missing
Give me Your love for humanity
Give me Your arms for the broken-hearted
The ones that are far beyond my reach
Give me Your heart for the ones forgotten
Give me Your eyes so I can see

It was time. Time for adoption and looking beyond myself, and realizing that if I would stop planning everything and just let go and trust, it was going to work out.

Turns out, it was going to work out beyond my wildest imagination.

And I am so grateful. Grateful beyond measure for these three little gifts. Grateful for God meeting me that night through song and knowing that He has a greater plan than we could ever dream of. 

i love it, even though i shouldn't

The truth is, I don't need another time sucker in my life. I am trying to be a little better about where social media, Project Runway and The Real Housewives fall on my priority list. They should definitely fall somewhere below that towering pile of laundry, right?


So when people started buzzing about Pinterest, I ignored it. I definitely, definitely did not need to happen upon another website that could potentially (surely) monopolize more of my time. 


Dang it.


But there is a plus side to me giving in. I am always finding ideas in magazines that make me think, Oh I am going to do this. For sure. Let me just earmark this page and I'll come back to it later. And now I have a pile of about 396 magazines at my bedside that I have never opened a second time. Well really, it's more like 12, but still.


That is my justification. I can stop keeping these things lying around that drive my husband crazy and keep it all neat and organized and just a click away. I mean, thanks to Pinterest, I think my sister is going to have a pretty sweet baby shower, thank you very much. 


And project ideas? Holy moly. Look at all these lovelies:

Source: moredesignplease.com via Carina on Pinterest

Source: betterafter.blogspot.com via Carina on Pinterest

Source: designspongeonline.com via Carina on Pinterest

On second thought, my husband might not be too excited about this.

super easy delicious quick recipe, a broken ankle and bakin' it to the streets

My poor mom broke her ankle hiking this last weekend. That meant she was my Bakin' it to the Streets recipient this time - someone in need, right? So I whipped up this salad which takes less than fifteen minutes, is healthy, and totally satisfying. Plus you can make it ahead and it keeps (and improves) for days. I thought I'd pass it along to you guys - I think you'll love it, too.

I got all of my ingredients at Trader Joe's, but I am sure they are easily accessible at any grocery store.  Here is what you need:

1 cup whole wheat couscous

1 cup water

sea salt and pepper

1 tablespoon olive oil

1 medium cucumber, sliced into half circles

1/2 pint grape or cherry tomatoes, halved

3/4 cup shelled edamame

1/4 fresh parsley, chopped

1/2 cup crumbled feta (I used fat free)

1/4 cup light champagne vinaigrette

2 cups wild arugula (or any mixed greens)

To prepare couscous, combine with the water, salt and pepper and olive oil in a microwave safe dish. Stir well and microwave for 3 1/2 minutes on high. Fluff with a fork and stick it in the fridge to cool a bit.

When the couscous is room temp or cooler, mix in the rest of the ingredients, except for the arugula. 
{a great alternate dressing: 2 tablespoons of olive oil and the juice of one lemon.}

When you're ready to serve (immediately or at any point over the following 48 hours), 

top arugula with couscous and serve.

So easy, and kind of addictive. Make it, share it, pass it on!

I also made a big batch of mocha coconut brownies to stick with the bakin' theme. Those were less easy (but not hard) and most definitely not healthy. That recipe will be coming along soon enough and you might love me or you might hate me because they are dangerous. I know because I accidentally ate one for dinner. And dessert. 

So here is to my mom's quick recovery, delicious food, and sharing with others!

If you have a Bakin' it to the Streets story, recipe or photo to share (and I hope you do!), please link up below and spread the word!