my aching heart

Let me start by saying that today was a doozy. I mean, seriously children, could you cut a girl a break? We put garbage bags in George's windows last night to prevent the early morning wake up call. Thankfully, he didn't rise at the first hint of sunlight (4:25am this week) as he has for the past several days, but 6 o'clock wasn't really that welcome either. His screeching is so unbearably loud, no matter what attention you show him, that it has the pleasant effect of waking his brothers almost instantly. Happy summer, one and all.


Today was also a day in which every move one boy made inevitably irked another, which resulted in loud grunting, yelping, or straight up wailing. If one kid had a toy, the other one wanted it. If you handed someone a cup of milk .34 seconds before another, prepare yourself for disaster. I am not ashamed to say that for sanity's sake, they may have watched a little too much TV today. As my husband likes to say when I get down on myself for letting Bert and Ernie babysit, "Survive and advance, honey." Sometimes those sports sayings really do comfort a girl in distress. 


And that is what I did. We got through the day. I felt relieved as I tucked the second baby in and headed downstairs to eat my dinner and play with Lute before his bedtime rolled around. The last thing I felt like doing was playing another game of "Monster Tag" (his own creation), but I knew he had some energy to exert, so I put on my brave face and chased him round and round as he belly laughed in utter delight. Finally, I told him to pick out a few books so we could snuggle up before bed.


We read a couple of oldies, ones I've been reading to him since he was a wee baby. Despite the worn pages, and words he's heard over a hundred times, he still found joy in the stories, laughing along with those crazy dinosaurs he has grown so familiar with. In his innocent laughter, my heart began to ache and I surprised myself as tears sprung to my eyes. 
Here he was, my very smart, grown up four year old who was still so full of his baby ways. All he wanted was to be in my arms, listening to my silly voices, pouring over pages together and soaking it all in. 


In that moment, my heart and head filled with the knowledge that these are the most precious moments in life. The mundane, ordinary day-to-day gifts of just being together, doing regular stuff. I realized how crucial it is to let the joy of it envelop me, because before long it will be over. He'll be big and independent and not nearly as interested in me as I am in him. Right now I am Mama, and he'll take every moment he can get. What greater honor is there than that? 


So on days like today, where I would really, really like to let someone else take over, I want and need to remember what a gift it is to love and be loved by these three little rascals. I couldn't ask for anything more.

another round of bakin' it to the streets

It's that time again! This was our third round of Bakin' it to the Streets, and it was definitely a mini edition this go 'round. One of the things that motivated me to start doing this in the first place was a local shelter and their nightly sandwich ministry. They have hundreds of volunteers that make sandwiches on a regular basis and drop them off to hand out to over 200 men every night. It is inspiring and I totally wanted to be a part of it. But there are amazingly so many volunteers, they don't need any more sandwiches. That is awesome!

Still wanting to serve, the idea for this biweekly venture with my boys was born. And I'd love you to partner up with me! On the 11th and 22nd of each month, there will be a link up here if you'd like to share your experience. The more people who participate, the more people will be encouraged and inspired - and the more people who will be blessed by a thoughtful treat.

This week I made a couple of sandwiches, which I packed up with a banana, cookies and some trail mix. I only made two because I had two specific guys in mind. One of them wasn't in his usual spot, but we did get to share with a sweet old man who stands on the same corner everyday, and who gratefully squeezed my hand and wished us well. 

This week the lesson for the boys wasn't so much about sharing our food, as it was about being patient as mama drives around much longer than they'd ever want to. I need to be a little more strategic in mapping out our route. Next time, babies, next time.

You have a week to link up - you know you want to!

unsolicited marital advice because i love ya.

My sister texted me today (because I don't talk on the phone) and asked if I had any advice for newlyweds. Her friend is compiling a list and since I let advice flow freely, wanted or not, Stacy asked me. I told her I'd think about it and get back to her. I love questions like these.

I thought about the things that have worked for us, but mostly I thought about the advice I would have given myself before getting married. And actually, the advice I should really be giving myself on a daily basis. Because in the 6 years, 1 month, 1 week, 2 days and 4 hours that I have been married, I have yet to fully put into action the following five things that would make any marriage work. So as much for you, dear reader, as for myself, I share with you my limited marital wisdom.




1. Don't start any conversation with anything that may even be perceived as a criticism. Genuine compliments go a long way.


2. Always try to respond with "yes", rather than immediately saying (or thinking) "no".


3. Find at least one thing to say "thank you" for everyday. 


4. Praying together on a daily basis makes all the difference in the world. 


5. Pick up your crap.


(Please don't tell my husband about this list. I'm still working on it.)


Many years of wedded bliss to you all!

how we went from one to three

(If you've missed any of our adoption story, you can click on the tab above.) 


You know that saying "If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans"? 
So two days after having everything officially into our agency and eager to really begin the journey of adoption, I find out I'm pregnant. God is so funny and hilarious and surprising, isn't He? 


I was nervous to tell the agency for fear of being taken off the list. We weren't really sure how to proceed, so the best bet was at least knowing our options. I emailed the woman in charge of minority adoptions and told her the situation, asking what their policy was, letting her know we were unsure of whether or not we should still actively pursue adoption or wait, and basically conveying our total confusion. She was very sweet and understanding and told me that when this happens (which it does. refer back to: God is funny.), they will keep the waiting family on the list until the adoptive mother's second trimester and if you haven't been matched, you can get back on the list at some point after giving birth and updating your home study.


So now it was up to us. Knowing the the first trimester is a fragile time in pregnancy, we knew we'd stay on the list at least that long. After praying about it, weighing the possibilities, and much discussion, we decided we would stay on until June 1. At that point, I would be about five months pregnant, and that's about all I was comfortable with as far as spacing. I believe my journal entry during the thought process was: "After all, I don't want two babies too close together."


Remember how I mentioned God's hilarity? 
Ten weeks went by - a healthy pregnancy, a low key spring, and nearing my self-appointed adoption deadline, I started to believe that we were going to move our adoption plans into the next year. Then on May 29, a Friday afternoon - literally about an hour before the offices would have closed right along with our little window of possibility - my cell phone rang and I recognized the area code immediately. 
"It's the agency." I looked at Nick.
"Do you think...?" He trailed off as I answered. My palms were sweaty, nervous excitement rising up in my chest.
"Hello?"
"Hi Carina! I just wanted to call you and let you know we have a match for you!" Our caseworker said excitedly from the other end.
She told us about the birthmother, about our boy that was due in four short weeks, and all of the other details that quickly left my brain as I sat in stunned silence.
"So, I'll give you guys the weekend to think it over and let me know if you agree to the match," she said over the speakerphone. 
Nick and I looked at each other in excited disbelief. 
"We don't need the weekend, Debbie. We know we want him!" I am pretty sure we were both gushing about how excited we were but the details are pretty fuzzy in the haze of joy we were in the midst of.


All of our questions, indecision and doubt melted away the instant that phone rang. We may have been getting in over our heads, but we didn't know the difference and we didn't care.
I had never been so excited about God's plans thwarting my own. It's really better that way, isn't it?


Life was about to change in a crazy and beautiful way.

motherhood and such

"I looked on child rearing not only as a work of love and duty but as a profession that was fully as interesting and challenging as any honorable profession in the world and one that demanded the best I could bring to it." 

Rose Kennedy

I love being a mama. I think I truly found my identity - who I was created to be - the moment Lute entered the world. Raising children isn't easy, it isn't often praised, but it truly is one of the most wonderful callings in life. Of course there are moments when I feel like I am spinning my wheels and getting nowhere - the floor is always dirty no matter how many times I clean it in one day, there are always spills to wipe up, toys to pick up, diapers to be changed, food to be made, noses to be wiped, fights to break up. But the blessings far outweigh the moments of exhaustion and exasperation. There is beauty in raising children - in the endless love they have to offer and the love they need to flourish and grow and become responsible, caring individuals. It is a constant giving of self, and inexplicably, reaps such precious rewards. I am so thankful for my boys. So inexpressibly thankful. And I am thankful for a God who promises to be with me in all of it. I am thankful that He is ultimately the one who cares for them, and for me.

 He tends his flock like a shepherd: 

   He gathers the lambs in his arms 

and carries them close to his heart; 

   he gently leads those that have young.

Isaiah 40:11

I am also grateful for a mother who has given herself endlessly to us. Who always comes from a place of yes, and is ever-willing to be present in the lives of her daughters and grandchildren. She is an amazing example of sacrifice and love and I can only hope to offer such love to my children as they grow into adulthood. Thanks, Mom.

i swear i am not a food blogger, but...

We shared Easter dinner with my family a week late because - shocking news - my children were sick (again). And there is just something about snotty noses and hacking coughs that makes eating a nice dinner unappealing. So we postponed and celebrated together last Sunday. It was a great time with a lot of good food that everyone brought along. One dish that I was responsible for was the ever-important dessert. I veered from my chocolate norm and made something I was pretty proud of and had to share because if you make it, people will like you. They will sing your praises and gasp with delight and then you're gonna have to come back here and thank me. 

Berry Shortcake with Lemon Scented Scones
Here is what you need:
3 cups flour

• 1/2 cup sugar
• 5 teaspoons baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 3/4 cup chilled butter
• 1 egg, beaten
• 1 cup 2% milk
• 1 lemon
• 2 pints of berries
• 2 tablespoons sugar
• whipped cream

Combine the flour, sugar, baking powder and salt. Cut the butter into small pieces and cut into the flour mixture. 

You can use a fork, two knives, or a handy-dandy pastry cutter like the one I just purchased for myself. It made me feel very chef like.

Keep going until you're mixture looks nice and crumbly. Add the zest of one lemon into the flour mixture. Add in the egg and milk and mix until it's all combined. Turn it out onto a lightly floured surface and form it into a smooth ball. 

Roll it 'til it's about 1/2" thick and then, using a narrow glass or a biscuit cutter (I am definitely not that cool yet), cut out your scones. I was able to get about 20. 

Bake them on a greased cookie sheet at 400 for 8-12 minutes, until just golden.

Wash and cut your berries - I used blackberries and strawberries and it was pretty much awesome. Add in 2-3 tablespoons of sugar and the juice of half of the lemon. Mix well and put in the fridge until you're ready for dessert. 

You can make your own whipped cream or buy it ready made (I won't say anything).

Now all you have to do is assemble and wait for the ooh's and ahh's that are sure to come your way. The best part? You can make this in the morning and it's all ready to go when you need it. Simps.

This is the perfect spring/summer dessert. It feels light (it's not) and fresh (it is) and would please just about anybody. Enjoy!