The short of it: yes and no.
My hope is that this little space is a place of gratitude for all things. For hardships, triumphs, tiny blessings and completely undeserved graces.
But do I share every detail? No.
There are days I could go on an on about the things that just kind of suck. Days when I feel blue, disheartened, discouraged, drained.
I definitely have those days.
This last week was kind of a blur of those kind of days all mashed together.
I can get my feelings hurt easily, I care about what people think more than I’d ever like to admit, I don’t like getting up early, I hate cleaning the floor, laundry is the bane of my existence, I wallow selfishly in dreams of what I would do with more me time.
I get tired.
Other people tell me that those feelings are normal, and I say the same thing to other tired moms. Burnt out, worn out, ready for a break moms.
But last night as I was driving to a much needed night with my sister to drink wine and snuggle my new niece, I turned on the radio.
(Confession: I am a secret closet listener of cheesy Christian music. I love it and it feeds my soul, so.)
Have you heard the song Do Everything? Every single time I hear it, I have to turn it up, because it’s about me. It’s probably about you, too.
Is it normal to feel burnt out? For sure.
But what do I do with that?
What do I do when the last thing I want to do is fix another meal or play another round of Candy Land, or repeat for the 412th time that, no actually, we don’t color the windowsills?
For me, I know the only thing I can do is pray. Pray for strength and joy and the ability to delight in my children. I want to do all things to His glory, and most of all, that means being a mother that is exuding the love of Christ.
Most of the time, it isn’t easy. But that means it’s worth something... that means that I have the opportunity to give sacrificially, to grow in love and be changed for the better by giving it up.
Or I could wallow, but then I would be miserable and everyone else would definitely be miserable.
The truth is, lately, the good days far outnumber the bad.
But the bad ones still exist. And it’s more than ok to feel like you’re just over it.
This weekend, I felt over it.
And then the cutest 4 year old on the planet told me he loves me more than anything in the world, asked me if he could snuggle me,
and all the rest just kind of melted away.
I want this to be my happy space. Is it an accurate picture of every mundane detail, every scrap of discouragement? Heck no.
But it's genuine. I am not sugar coating anything or faking my way through my portrayal of our lives.
I really am grateful. SO grateful. Because every dirty dish, every spilled cup of milk, every piece of furniture rebelliously colored with crayolas, means my life is full of little people to love. I wouldn't trade it for endless hours of shopping or coffee drinking or sitting in a quiet movie theater. (though those things are all very, very appealing.) I wouldn't trade it for anything.
So today I’m thankful for the crappy days that make the good days seem all the better, and for music that reminds me that things really aren't all that complicated.
And I am thankful for wine nights with my sister because those kind of help, too.