20 November 2011

reality check.

Last night my husband asked me if I thought my blog was an accurate picture of my life.
The short of it: yes and no.

My hope is that this little space is a place of gratitude for all things. For hardships, triumphs, tiny blessings and completely undeserved graces.
But do I share every detail? No.
There are days I could go on an on about the things that just kind of suck. Days when I feel blue, disheartened, discouraged, drained.
I definitely have those days. 
This last week was kind of a blur of those kind of days all mashed together.
I can get my feelings hurt easily, I care about what people think more than I’d ever like to admit, I don’t like getting up early, I hate cleaning the floor, laundry is the bane of my existence, I wallow selfishly in dreams of what I would do with more me time.

I get tired.
Other people tell me that those feelings are normal, and I say the same thing to other tired moms. Burnt out, worn out, ready for a break moms.

But last night as I was driving to a much needed night with my sister to drink wine and snuggle my new niece, I turned on the radio.
(Confession: I am a secret closet listener of cheesy Christian music. I love it and it feeds my soul, so.)
Have you heard the song Do Everything? Every single time I hear it, I have to turn it up, because it’s about me. It’s probably about you, too.


Is it normal to feel burnt out? For sure. 
But what do I do with that?
What do I do when the last thing I want to do is fix another meal or play another round of Candy Land, or repeat for the 412th time that, no actually, we don’t color the windowsills?


For me, I know the only thing I can do is pray. Pray for strength and joy and the ability to delight in my children. I want to do all things to His glory, and most of all, that means being a mother that is exuding the love of Christ.
Most of the time, it isn’t easy. But that means it’s worth something... that means that I have the opportunity to give sacrificially, to grow in love and be changed for the better by giving it up. 

Or I could wallow, but then I would be miserable and everyone else would definitely be miserable.

The truth is, lately, the good days far outnumber the bad.
Like exponentially. 
But the bad ones still exist. And it’s more than ok to feel like you’re just over it.
This weekend, I felt over it.
And then the cutest 4 year old on the planet told me he loves me more than anything in the world, asked me if he could snuggle me,
and all the rest just kind of melted away.
I want this to be my happy space. Is it an accurate picture of every mundane detail, every scrap of discouragement? Heck no. 
But it's genuine. I am not sugar coating anything or faking my way through my portrayal of our lives.
I really am grateful. SO grateful. Because every dirty dish, every spilled cup of milk, every piece of furniture rebelliously colored with crayolas, means my life is full of little people to love. I wouldn't trade it for endless hours of shopping or coffee drinking or sitting in a quiet movie theater. (though those things are all very, very appealing.) I wouldn't trade it for anything.


So today I’m thankful for the crappy days that make the good days seem all the better, and for music that reminds me that things really aren't all that complicated.
And I am thankful for wine nights with my sister because those kind of help, too. 

9 comments:

  1. Love this! Thanks for being honest.

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  2. amen.
    you know, i don't know you in 'real' life, but i can tell that you are genuine here.
    being honest accompanied with discretion is key here on the web. shine on, friend!

    SO grateful for you! xo

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  3. You are blessed to have a sister. I always wished I had one. :)

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  4. RIGHT there with you:)
    Ha and I am SO a closet cheesy christian music listener too;) And funny thing is I just listened to this song yesterday and laughed at how it couldn't be any more relatable to life right now :)
    Hope you had a good weekend with your fam!

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  5. 1. Yes, even though you eat raw carrots we can still be friends, although I don't know how all you people do it. Ick.
    2. I LOVE that you are so genuine. I run across so many blogs where people aren't themselves, and I wonder why. So props to you for being true to yourself and being... YOU!
    3. I like your "I'm thankful for." So true! How would we ever be able to appreciate the good without the bad, or know happiness and joy if we never experienced sadness?

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  6. I feel like this often. Friday I was complaining to my husband and then I received an email about a family whose children (who are the same age as ours) are very ill--so ill that they are having to pack up and move away from their support system and move to a town with a children's hospital. And then I felt like dirt for complaining about my healthy kids.

    I think that we just have to remind ourselves of our blessings, but admit and recognize that we are imperfect people. Sometimes my tone is too short and my patience is too thin and all I want to do is curl up with a good book, but there is laundry to do and short people to feed. We just have to find a balance. :D

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  7. Love this post! I love what you said....the crappy days do make the good days seem even better. I am right there with you, on everything you said here. We don't share everything, but that doesn't mean it's not going on behind the scenes.

    Some days I think, if I have to make another peanut butter and jelly sandwich, I WILL DIE. That seems a little dramatic, I know. :) I get burnt out too. I need to pray about it more as well.

    ps. I also get my feelings hurt, way too often.

    Great post!
    xo.

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  8. I'm thrilled to see my new blog BFF is so legit! Loved peeking around your blog, though I must admit all of your good substance is somewhat intimidating! Adoption and street baking?!? You sound like the real deal.
    I too can relate to your love for cheesy christian music, but only if I can add hand motions.
    Mmmkthanks bloggy friend.

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  9. Great post and so true, Their are times when I feel just completely worn out raising five children and being pregnant! Your site was recommend by Rev Jones at throwupandtheology.blogspot.com / I am now following your blog also,. God bless http://www.womenwalkinginthespiritofchrist.com

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