27 May 2011

my aching heart

Let me start by saying that today was a doozy. I mean, seriously children, could you cut a girl a break? We put garbage bags in George's windows last night to prevent the early morning wake up call. Thankfully, he didn't rise at the first hint of sunlight (4:25am this week) as he has for the past several days, but 6 o'clock wasn't really that welcome either. His screeching is so unbearably loud, no matter what attention you show him, that it has the pleasant effect of waking his brothers almost instantly. Happy summer, one and all.


Today was also a day in which every move one boy made inevitably irked another, which resulted in loud grunting, yelping, or straight up wailing. If one kid had a toy, the other one wanted it. If you handed someone a cup of milk .34 seconds before another, prepare yourself for disaster. I am not ashamed to say that for sanity's sake, they may have watched a little too much TV today. As my husband likes to say when I get down on myself for letting Bert and Ernie babysit, "Survive and advance, honey." Sometimes those sports sayings really do comfort a girl in distress. 


And that is what I did. We got through the day. I felt relieved as I tucked the second baby in and headed downstairs to eat my dinner and play with Lute before his bedtime rolled around. The last thing I felt like doing was playing another game of "Monster Tag" (his own creation), but I knew he had some energy to exert, so I put on my brave face and chased him round and round as he belly laughed in utter delight. Finally, I told him to pick out a few books so we could snuggle up before bed.


We read a couple of oldies, ones I've been reading to him since he was a wee baby. Despite the worn pages, and words he's heard over a hundred times, he still found joy in the stories, laughing along with those crazy dinosaurs he has grown so familiar with. In his innocent laughter, my heart began to ache and I surprised myself as tears sprung to my eyes. 
Here he was, my very smart, grown up four year old who was still so full of his baby ways. All he wanted was to be in my arms, listening to my silly voices, pouring over pages together and soaking it all in. 


In that moment, my heart and head filled with the knowledge that these are the most precious moments in life. The mundane, ordinary day-to-day gifts of just being together, doing regular stuff. I realized how crucial it is to let the joy of it envelop me, because before long it will be over. He'll be big and independent and not nearly as interested in me as I am in him. Right now I am Mama, and he'll take every moment he can get. What greater honor is there than that? 


So on days like today, where I would really, really like to let someone else take over, I want and need to remember what a gift it is to love and be loved by these three little rascals. I couldn't ask for anything more.



9 comments:

  1. After reading the first paragraph I was going to offer to come relieve you tomorrow afternoon to enjoy a dinner out with your husband.
    Then I read the subsequent paragraphs and felt selfish.
    Now I don't know what to do.

    Your call!

    Carina, you are so, so right. There is no greater honor and nothing, NOTHING more honorable than raising those three precious souls. Nobody can take the place of a mom. I am so proud of you for doing the hard stuff!

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  2. Oh my you got your hands full. I know the feeling. Sometimes I just want my son to stop asking questions He doesn't so I've mastered the art of ignoring noise and function with it. The things that we learn from our kids.

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  3. so sweet and exactly what i needed to be reminded of today! thanks carina!

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  4. thanks for sharing your heart today, this is something i feel all too often as well. your boys are precious :)

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  5. Such a sweet post! I am not a mother, but your words really conveyed just how strong love for a child might be, and how those tender moments can make the busy, stressful, challenging times of parenthood all worth it.

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  6. What a beautiful post and right on! I know all too well how crazy/tiring it is with multiple preschoolers, but when we stop and enjoy the little moments, like you did, we realize how lucky we truly are.

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  7. When I see my stepsister with her children sometimes, I think, "Man she must want a moment to herself once in awhile."

    I think all moms must have those moments, and I apprecate that you also see all the postive qualities and tender moments in rasing your children. I think women (in general but ESPECIALLY moms) are too hard on themselves sometimes. My best friend recently was kicking herself when she told me her son was watching too much TV lately as she had to devote her attention to the colicly six month old she was baby sitting. I told her that her little guy was happy and healthy, and you just do the best you can. It's all any of us can do.

    Wonderful blog! Your boys are adorable!

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  8. When I see my stepsister with her children sometimes, I think, "Man she must want a moment to herself once in awhile."

    I think all moms must have those moments, and I apprecate that you also see all the postive qualities and tender moments in rasing your children. I think women (in general but ESPECIALLY moms) are too hard on themselves sometimes. My best friend recently was kicking herself when she told me her son was watching too much TV lately as she had to devote her attention to the colicly six month old she was baby sitting. I told her that her little guy was happy and healthy, and you just do the best you can. It's all any of us can do.

    Wonderful blog! Your boys are adorable!

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  9. Thanks all for the words of encouragement and understanding in the tiring but rewarding roll of being the mother of these little dudes. Wouldn't trade it for anything! :)

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